You experience a sudden rush of what seems to be thousands of thoughts all in a moment. An overload of hundreds of headlines you’ve seen months before this point. You make your way through the line and every time you inch forward, you feel your heartbeat a little faster. A momentary pause and then you move forward a bit more, putting yourself at the front of the line. A nurse walks out in personal protective equipment head to toe, asks a few questions, and proceeds to—what feels like—touch your brain with a nasal swab. In a daze of nerves, you barely hear what leaves the nurse’s mouth as you prepare to pull off and now it’s a waiting game.
You get home, turn the television on and settle in. The news is on. “Rising Coronavirus Cases and Deaths” and “Health Experts Project 282,000 COVID Deaths by December” appears at the bottom of the screen as you watch a collision between the political realm and what you’re experiencing in your life.
Your phone lights up with a notification; “you have new test results!” You take a deep breath, open your results on your phone, and you see the word “DETECTED.” Your heart sinks into the depths of your stomach as you doubt what you’re seeing in front of you. Not long after you see that result, you get a phone call from the doctor confirming what you were afraid of; you have COVID-19.
This is an all too familiar scenario that many Americans and people all over the world have experienced here in 2020. I’ve listened to the stories. As a former journalist, my journalistic instincts kicked in causing me to research the virus from the first time we heard about it in March. Little did I know then that I would become one of the more than 11 million cases here in the United States months later in November. As I write this, I’m currently on day five with the virus and just past what my doctor called the “critical first 48 to 72 hours.” So far, I’ve experienced extreme fatigue, I’ve lost my sense of taste and my sense of smell, I’ve been a bit short of breath, and I’ve had severe pain all over my torso with no visible signs of trauma. I am thankful to God that I have not experienced anything worse than this and I know there are thousands more who have not been so fortunate.
In our state of Kentucky to date, there have been 129,680 confirmed cases and 1,589 deaths. More than 8,567 people have been hospitalized and 2,187 people have been in the ICU at some point during their recovery. That may not sound like much to some, but “it’s not that bad” until it’s someone you love or even yourself. Our governor, Andy Beshear, has given daily updates nearly every day since the pandemic first started and the reports here in November are much more grim than the reports earlier this year.
Those numbers as well as the numbers at the national level are the ones that have been at the forefront of my mind. From what we know, this virus is unpredictable. It can turn a good situation bad in seconds. It has stripped families of mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, wives, and husbands. It’s a troubling thought to have as I lay my head on my pillow at night. Often times, I find myself afraid to go to sleep because I don’t know for sure if I’ll wake up the next day. That uncertainty keeps me awake late into the night but I often pray until I drift off. When I wake up in the morning, I thank the Lord for blessing me with another day of life—something I should’ve been doing well before this point.
It’s a surreal feeling when I think about the fact that I’ve contracted this virus. There’s been so much controversy this year surrounding it. Back when the governor shut our state down and President Trump ramped up his rhetoric, a war waged on between politics and science everywhere you looked. This war has unfortunately crept into some of the places I once considered to be the safest. In the constant back and forth, my wife and I found ourselves trying to navigate the waters. We personally committed to social distancing, wearing masks, increased our hand washing beyond the insane amount we already were washing our hands pre-COVID, we limited our visits with friends in our new home, and we reduced the amount of times we ordered takeout from some of our favorite restaurants. That was earlier this year.
Somewhere in there, she and I relaxed a little bit. When it seemed like the numbers were decreasing, we started going back into our favorite restaurants (wearing our masks of course) and even ordered takeout more often. To put it simply, we let our guard down quite a bit. Not long after we developed a false sense of safety, the second wave began in late August—my wife and I deciding to tighten up our precautions again.
With wearing masks, social distancing, and many other precautions, how did I contract COVID-19, you ask? I’m not sure specifically where I got it. I do know how though. I know I contracted this virus as a result of someone who bought into the lie that wearing a mask is a political statement and adhering to the state and federal guidelines means [insert whatever lie here].
I live in an area where it’s not uncommon to see people openly against wearing masks and loudly against doing their part to help end this pandemic. The area I live in isn’t an anomaly. In fact, this belief spans across the Commonwealth. I’ve come to find out that many have bought into our president’s rhetoric surrounding COVID. As a result, I’ve realized his rhetoric has been sewn into the very fabric of our society to the point that it has darkened our path forward, making it much more difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It has literally caused the death of many and harsh sickness of many more. That rhetoric has resulted in me being the only masked person in a room of maskless people before.
It was those people I first thought about when I first found out I tested positive for COVID. The people who—even though I had a mask on—were maskless around me. That’s not a slight or an insult toward anyone, that’s reality. I prayed and hoped that no one who came close to me contracted the virus when I didn’t know I was positive. I honestly don’t go to many places but following my result, I had to evaluate any and everywhere I had been as well as anyone I had been in contact with. It is a burdensome feeling to think that you could have passed on a virus that could have lethal affects on someone else even if you recover.
My friends, what I am sharing is not something to play about. This virus is very real and I tell you this not from secondhand experience but from actually living it out. I’m afraid of what may come out of this as I see many around me not taking this pandemic seriously. I understand being tired of wearing masks, tired of restrictions, and tired of not being able to live a “worry-free” life comparatively speaking. I have to tell you through the experience of contracting the virus and dealing with the symptoms in recovery; those “worries” are much better than the ones you have when you get it. The most incomprehensible feeling I currently have is one of disbelief when I reflect on getting the virus. I’m a firm believer in wearing a mask, social distancing, reducing gatherings, and so on. It’s ironic that I got the virus considering the fact that I take prevention very seriously. In the end, I come back to the same conclusion; those efforts were undermined by people not doing the same.
I know that I’m not going to change a bunch of minds by what I am saying. God has placed it on my heart to share my experience and mind frame during all of this. It’s ultimately His presence that has gotten me through without me totally losing it, although I’ve been close. I cannot stay silent about this any longer. I’ve kept my mouth shut through the election season and I’ve kept my mouth shut at times where I should’ve spoken up on this matter of COVID.
Let me be clear; I do not write this as if I’ve been through something as difficult as the journey of someone with cancer. Cancer is inevitable in many situations, including the death of my grandmother earlier this year. Unfortunately, that couldn’t be prevented and if there was something that could have done to prevent that, I would’ve done it. Unlike cancer, COVID can be prevented. We can take steps now to prevent losing our loved ones to this virus.
Friend, I strongly urge you to do everything possible to keep from contracting this virus. Do you fear the negative response of people around you seeing you with a mask on? Wear it anyway. Nervous about offending someone by telling them to stay socially distant from you? Ask them to anyway. Afraid to speak up when those around you are being irresponsible as it relates to the pandemic? Speak up anyway.
I tell you, I love God and I believe in His divine power. I respect Him & His power enough not to play roulette with my life or the lives of others and expect him to swoop in and fix it when someone gets sick. It is my prayer that others do not have to go through the experience of fighting to recover from this virus or have a loved one taken from them to start showing compassion and love for others who desperately need it.
As I said before, some don’t know how bad this thing is until they’re hit with it directly. Let’s prevent that. Let’s show compassion and love to our neighbors by taking precautions & doing everything we can to keep them, their families, ourselves, and our families safe as we journey together to end this pandemic.
Note from the writer: “This blog post was written while I was in quarantine in early November, recovering from COVID-19. As a result the numbers in this article are dated. I encourage you to research what the current numbers are and keep the diagnosed individuals as well as their families in your prayers. Thank you.”
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